I have an awful temper and feel very insecure otherwise. Allah has blessed me with a very patient husband – and every instance of my angry tongue and impatience drives home latent anxiety that he may give up on me some day. Aside from drilling myself with discipline through fasting and praying (which should be the answer), are there other alternatives to self-cleansing ones demons

Anger is basically a positive sentiment that needs to be channeled. It arises out of intense love for something. I will share some tips that I received from one of my teachers regarding driving away one’s anger. It will be a good reminder for me, and I hope you will benefit from it as well. The text of his email is as follows:

a) When you cool down, immediately seek forgiveness from the one who was at the receiving end. You will, hopefully, find the frequency coming down. But make sure that this principle is applied uniformly to all cases of your unjustifiable bursts of anger.

b) Analyze the reasons for your anger after it is over. Admonish yourself for having done that. Anger, like any other emotion, doesn’t come all of sudden: it builds up. Train yourself to either shut up if the initial stages of anger show their signs of arrival; or, if you can’t shut up, leave the place.

c) Imagine how the Almighty is tolerating you politely despite what you do that doesn’t please Him. Why should you be annoyed with others when you don’t have any control over others and the Almighty has all control over you, and what they do is much less to annoy you than what you do to annoy Him. If you look forward to getting forgiveness from Him, why on earth should you not forgive others for the small things they do against you.

d) The last, but most significant thing to do: Put your forehead on the prayer mat and ask the Almighty to help you out. Just keep asking until you get from Him. There are other things which He may not give you because He has His own grand plan of which we know very little. In this regard however there is no reason why He wouldn’t help you if you pray to Him sincerely. I can tell you through my experience that He never fails you. However, He would most certainly try you.

I hope this was of some help. Just one request: the tone of the message was the need of the hour for me, and therefore, there is no reason why you should find yourself attacked. If one realizes that unjustifiable anger is a sign of arrogance, the message above will appear very appropriate – from a concerned teacher to a student.