It is obviously not easy to accept another man taking
the place of your father. And it is also true that, more often than not, the
usual negative depiction of a step relation comes close to reality. You mention
that she has developed a disliking for her stepfather because of some valid
reasons and that her relationship with her mother is also not very harmonious.
In this situation, it is understandable that she is going through an emotional
turmoil. She must be feeling very lonely in the world, the loss of her father
aggravated by another man trying to take his place.
However, in my view, rather than taking up a collision course
with her father, which essentially means pitting herself against her mother as
well, she should try to accept the situation as it is; and develop a better
relationship with her stepfather. It is very much possible that she has not
understood him well or has not allowed him to develop a fatherly place in her
heart. If she gives him a chance, he may start treating her well and she will
also begin to like him or understand him better. A lot of our relationship
problems are a direct consequence of poor communication. Developing better
communication with him, forgiving him even if he is at times not very affable
and making her mother realize that she is doing her best to build bridges are
some of the means she can use to win him over.
Hating someone without any cause is definitely not the trait
of a good Muslim. Hating for a good reason at times might not be objected to as
is usually beyond one’s control; but rather than hating the patient we should
hate the disease. The example of the Prophet (sws) in this regard is for all of
us to emulate. He endured all gestures of hatred directed at him with utmost
patience and tolerance and returned them with his most beautiful and
characteristic mannerism that turned his foes into loving friends. The spirit of
Islam will bring out the same character and attitude in a Muslim. God will most
certainly help her in this test. She should rest assured that great reward
awaits her if she only be steadfast.