Author: Gul e Khuba
Blame is the only defence mechanism left for the
majority of us when dealing with our failures like losing a
job or a loved one. We may also end up wasting time in such
scenarios. The fact is that indulging in all this may still
be less harmful than blaming others for our failures. This
is more horrifying if they were not even responsible for
this outcome. This not only makes others’ lives miserable
and deleterious, but also affects our own lives.
Self-righteousness is one of the reasons behind blaming
others. It is a state in which people feel that they only
hold the correct opinion and all the rest are wrong. It is a
form of arrogance and is tantamount to be ignorant about
their own shortcomings. Regarding one’s stance to be correct
is not wrong in a situation where you are actually right; it
will also raise a person’s morale and boost his or her
self-worth or self-esteem. But self-righteousness is a
condition in which people feel right about themselves even
when they are completely wrong. Self-righteous people feel
insignificant about others, become ignorant of others’
righteousness and lack acknowledgement of others’ righteous
deeds. These people might regard themselves superior to
others.
Self-righteousness often leads to a situation where we
start blaming others for our own setbacks. Blaming others
without a valid reason is not only seen in self-righteous
people, but also in those who regard themselves incorrect in
some situations. Most of the time, for most of us, the only
way to move on or to satisfy ourselves when we have done
something wrong or when we don’t get what we want is to
blame others, irrespective of whether they are or not
responsible.
The main focus should not be on blaming something or
someone; it should be on accepting our own mistakes and
faults. It is not super easy, but trying can prevent us from
causing unwanted harm to others and to our own selves.
Blaming others makes our minds negative. This also increases
our anger and rage towards others. But we should think
whether they are really involved in ruining our life, or is
it we ourselves who are responsible? Who wasted time? Who
lost the opportunity? Believe me or not, most of the time it
is we who are the culprits of our own losses. Since we have
intellect and insight and are aware of good and evil, how
could someone be responsible for our wrong decisions or for
losing our opportunities, unless we are not handicapped,
molested or forcefully pulled towards a bad decision in our
life?
We should focus on knowing our own selves before knowing
others. By doing so, we can recognize our own faults before
projecting them onto someone else. Most importantly, by
refraining from blaming others, we can gain valuable
insights into our own mistakes, take ownership of them and
build trust in ourselves that we can overcome them.
There is another way of blaming others. For instance, if
we say: “she makes me feel bad about my looks,” or “he makes
me feel that I am not good at sports.” Now these are very
normal thoughts in our mind in which we project negative
thoughts on ourselves by blaming others. Sometimes these
kinds of thoughts emerge from our past trauma, and we feel
bad about ourselves due to what others have led us to
perceive. However, we often feel bad about ourselves not
just because of others, but also due to our low self-esteem,
insecurities, jealousy or lack of emotional control. We can
overcome this emotional meltdown by not wasting our energy
on others’ opinions about us. Instead, we should focus
solely on what we believe about ourselves.
By controlling our emotions,
identifying our self-worth and recognizing our mistakes, we
can embrace who we are, reflect on our past actions, and
recognize our potential. Ultimately, we will be able to
learn the best ways to improve ourselves, rather than
blaming others and playing the role of a victim.
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