I
الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى
النِّسَاءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَى بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنفَقُوا مِنْ
أَمْوَالِهِم فَالصَّالِحَاتُ قَانِتَاتٌ حَافِظَاتٌ لِلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ
اللَّهُ وَاللَّاتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي
الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ
سَبِيلًا إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّا كَبِيرًا(٣٤:٤)
Men are the
guardians of women, because God has given the one more preference than the
other, and because they support them. Consequently, pious women are obedient [to
their husbands] and keep their secrets for Allah also keeps secrets. And as for
those from whom you fear rebellion, admonish them [first] and [next] refuse to
share their beds and [even then if they do not listen] punish them. Then if they
obey you, take no further action against them. Indeed Allah is Exalted and
Mighty. (4:34)
In the
preceding verses, the Almighty has made it clear that the real sphere in which
one should strive in outdoing others is not the sphere of inborn abilities and
characteristics because in this sphere some have been ordained to hold
preference over others. The Almighty has created some superior to the others as
regards their mental, physical, economic and social status. Similar is the case
between a man and a woman. They have been created as counterparts such that one
is by nature the active member and the other the passive. While the former trait
needs domination, vigor and force the latter needs gentleness, subtlety and
acquiescence. Viewed thus, each possesses relative superiority to the other.
These are inborn characteristics and any effort to surpass one another in this
area would be tantamount to war against nature. This would of course only leave
them to mourn their own misfortune.
The Almighty
has pointed out that in contrast to this sphere, there is another sphere in
which people should strive to outdo one another. This is the sphere of earning
reward for oneself through good deeds, high character and virtue. The Qur’ān at
various places has referred to this sphere by the comprehensive words ‘faith’
and ‘righteous deeds’ There is no restriction on anyone in striving to outdo
others in this sphere; in fact, trying to surpass others in this sphere is as
desired as it is condemnable in the sphere of innate abilities. Both a man and a
woman will earn great reward if they strive and exert themselves in this area.
It is open for every person whether a bondsman or a free man, a person of high
social status or low, good-looking or ugly, blind or blessed with the faculty of
sight. If a person does want to become superior to others, it is this sphere
that he should select for all his efforts and endeavors. Wasting one’s effort in
the wrong sphere only brings into existence clashes and disputes which are of no
avail. Consequently, if he really wants to test his mettle and expend his
energies, he must select the sphere of piety and virtue. The Qur’ān says:
وَلَا تَتَمَنَّوْا مَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ
بِهِ بَعْضَكُمْ عَلَى بَعْضٍ لِلرِّجَالِ نَصِيبٌ مِمَّا اكْتَسَبُوا
وَلِلنِّسَاءِ نَصِيبٌ مِمَّا اكْتَسَبْنَ وَاسْأَلُوا اللَّهَ مِنْ فَضْلِهِ إِنَّ
اللَّهَ كَانَ بِكُلِّ شَيْءٍ عَلِيمًا 0(٤:
٣٢)
And in no
way covet those things in which God has bestowed His favors on some of you than
on others: to men is allotted what they earn, and to women what they earn. And
ask God of His bounty. For God has full knowledge of all things. (4:32)
This verse pinpoints the above stated premise as the guiding principle in the
organization of a family set-up. A family is like a small state. Just as every
state requires a ruler for its establishment and survival, this small state also
requires someone to take charge of its helm. Either the husband could have been
bestowed with this responsibility or the wife. The Qur’ān informs us that the
husband has been entrusted with this responsibility. The expression ‘قَوَّامُونَ
عَلَى النِّسَاءِ’ has been used by the Qur’ān to convey this purport. In
Arabic, when the preposition ‘عَلَى’ is used after the
verb ‘قَامَ’, the meanings of ‘protection’ and
‘financial dependency’ are incorporated in the verb. A person who is in charge
is actually the protector and bread runner of the members that are entrusted in
his responsibility. The Qur’ān has given two reasons for this choice. While
explaining these reasons, Imām Amīn Ahsan Islāhī writes:
First, men have been granted superiority over women. There are certain innate
abilities and traits in men which are more pronounced in him and because of
which he has been made the head of a family unit. For example, a man is much
more gifted innately to protect and to defend himself and to earn livelihood and
to take the initiative than a woman. It should be appreciated here that the
superiority men have over women is not absolute: it is only in certain spheres –
spheres which entitle men to become head of the family unit. There are certain
other spheres in which women are more superior than men but they do not entitle
them to become the head of family. For example, the extent of ability a woman
has to take care of household affairs and the ability to look after children, a
man does not have. That is why the superiority which is mentioned in the verse
is alluded to in an implicit manner such that it can be concluded that both men
and women are superior to one another in different spheres;
however, a man is superior to the woman as far as becoming the head of family is
concerned.
Second, a husband bears financial responsibility for the wife. It is his
obligation to earn and fulfill the needs of his wife and children. Obviously,
this responsibility has not been assumed as a coincidence or as a favor, but
because of the fact that only he is fully capable of doing so. It is therefore
befitting that he take this responsibility.
After declaring that the husband should head a family, the Qur’ān goes on to
point out certain things to the wife for the smooth functioning of the
institution of family. They are:
1. Wives should be obedient and adaptable to their husbands.
2. They should keep the secrets of their husbands and protect their honor and
integrity.
The first of these things does not require elaboration. Without obedience and
adjustment, no system can work whether it be a state or any other institution.
This is the natural requirement of any system. In the absence of these
attitudes, no system can function and will ultimately disintegrate by giving way
to indiscipline and anarchy.
The expression ‘حَافِظَات لِلْغَيْبِ’ has been adopted
for the second of these things. Generally, this expression has been taken to
imply ‘guarding in absentia’. This writer has taken it to imply ‘keeping of
secrets’, as this in his opinion is the correct connotation of the expression.
While explaining the meaning of this expression Imām Amīn Ahsan Islāhī writes:
One reason for adopting this meaning is that the word ‘غَيْب’
is very commonly used to imply ‘secrets’. Second, here the nature of the
expression is such that it cannot be taken to mean ‘guarding in absentia’.
Third, guarding of secrets is one of the most important issues between a husband
and wife. They are the natural protectors of one another in this regard. The
position of the wife is more important in this regard. She has full knowledge of
her husband’s weaknesses and strengths. She has acute knowledge of what ensues
in the house as well has full knowledge of the extent and nature of her
husband’s wealth and property. His honor and integrity rest with her. If she
decides to reveal all his secrets, she can totally disgrace him. For this
reason, the Qur’ān has specially mentioned this attribute of a wife. The
addition of the words ‘حَفِظَ اللَّهُ’ is very
meaningful and refers to the exalted status of this attribute: it is in fact a
manifestation of a divine attribute in man. The Almighty also keeps secrets of
His creatures. If He starts revealing their secrets every one would be totally
humiliated.
Thus the above verse outlines the attitude of pious wives. As a natural outcome
of this directive, wives who adopt a rebellious attitude or reveal household
secrets are not pious in the eyes of the Almighty.
The question arises whether a husband can punish a wife who becomes rebellious
and persists to be so. The Qur’ān has replied to this question in the
affirmative. The verse refers to the rebellion of a wife by the word ‘نُشُوْز’.
Literally it means ‘to defy authority’; however it is predominantly used for the
utter defiance of authority a wife shows for the husband. Obviously, the word is
not used for a blemish or for some instance of indifference by the wife.
Similarly, it does not imply that a wife cannot express her opinion, taste or
the various traits of her personality. It implies the behavior which a wife
adopts when she seems inclined to challenge the authority of the husband and
disrupt the discipline of the house. If the situation reaches this extent, the
Almighty has given a husband three options:
First, he should urge his wife to mend her ways. The word used by the Qur’ān is
‘وَعَظ’ which means that she can be admonished and
also scolded to some extent in this regard.
Secondly, intimate marital relations with her should be suspended in order to
communicate that if she does not mend her ways she might have to face severe
repercussions.
Third, she should be punished physically. This punishment should obviously be
similar to the one a teacher gives to a student or that a father gives to his
children. The Prophet (sws) has used the words ‘غَيْرَ
مُبَرِّح’ (mild) for such punishment (see Abū Dā’ūd, No: 1878).
It is evident from the style of the verse that a gradual sequence should be
adopted in exercising these options. In other words, the second step after the
first and the third after the second should only be adopted if the husband is
convinced that there is no other option but to go on to the next step. These
measures point to the utmost limit to which a husband can go regarding
admonishing his wife. The Qur’ān says that if the wife mends her ways through
these measures a husband should not look for revenge and vengeance. He is warned
thus: ‘إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّا كَبِيرًا’ (Indeed
God is Exalted and Mighty). The implication being that if the Lord of the
heavens and the earth forgoes the arrogance of His creatures and forgives them
if they repent, His creatures should also not misuse their authority over
others.
II
يَاأَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا
يَحِلُّ لَكُمْ أَنْ تَرِثُوا النِّسَاءَ كَرْهًا وَلَا تَعْضُلُوهُنَّ
لِتَذْهَبُوا بِبَعْضِ مَا آتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ إِلَّا أَنْ يَأْتِينَ بِفَاحِشَةٍ
مُبَيِّنَةٍ وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ فَإِنْ كَرِهْتُمُوهُنَّ فَعَسَى أَنْ
تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَيَجْعَلَ اللَّهُ فِيهِ خَيْرًا كَثِيرًا (١٩:٤)
O you who
believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should you
treat them with harshness that you may take away part of the dower you have
given them – except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the
contrary, live with them according to the norms [of the society]. If you take a
dislike to them it may be that you dislike a thing, and Allah brings about
through it a great deal of good. (4:19)
These verses mention the rights of women and instruct the society regarding the
correct behavior to be adopted with them.
The first thing pointed out is that women are not animals which a person may
inherit and then use them the way he likes. They too are human beings who have
an independent personality. They are given free will which they can exercise in
the limits set forth by the Almighty. The background of giving this directive is
that in certain sections of pre-Islamic Arabia, the wives of a person were also
transferred to his heirs like his wealth and animals would be, and if he had
sons, they would even establish sexual relations with these step mothers without
any hesitation. The Qur’ān sought to put an end to this ignominious custom and
stressed that women are fully free to make their decisions. Nothing can be
imposed upon them without their consent.
The second thing stressed here is that even if a believer dislikes his wife he
should not subject her to harsh treatment in order to recover any wealth or
property that he has gifted her. Such an attitude can only be accepted if the
wife is guilty of open sexual transgressions. If the wife is not guilty of such
behavior and is living as a faithful and obedient lady leading a virtuous life,
it is totally against justice and decency for the husband to harass her merely
because he dislikes her. No doubt if a wife shows moral misconduct then this is
a detestable thing, but no husband is allowed to deprive her of a decent living
because he does not like her face or because her temperament is different from
his.
The third thing emphasized here is that a husband who does not like his wife
should still deal with her in accordance with the norms of justice and equity,
graciousness and decency – to which his own nature testifies. The words used in
the verse to convey this meaning are ‘وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ
بِالْمَعْرُوفِ’. The word ‘َمَعْرُوف’ implies
good conventions and traditions of a society. In other words, the Qur’ān
instructs a husband to adopt a befitting attitude with his wife in accordance
with the good traditions of the society whether he likes her or not. He is told
that if he treats her nicely in spite of his aversion for her, he might win the
blessings of the Almighty both in this world and in the Hereafter.
While explaining the words used to convey the above mentioned meaning, Imām Amīn
Ahsan Islāhī# writes:
Although the word used here is ‘عَسَى’ which in Arabic
implies hope and expectation, those who are aware of the delicacies of the
language know that when used on occasions such as this, it implies a promise
from the Almighty. The fact to which this reference points is that those who
give priority to higher human traits and values instead of appearance are
promised great rewards from the Almighty for this sacrifice. Those who have
actually embarked upon this track have borne witness to the veracity of this
fact, and none other than God is the most truthful.
It is obvious from the above discussion that if a husband is required to behave
decently even if he dislikes the wife, he is all the more required to be decent
when there is no cause for this dislike. A wrong attitude in this regard would
earn great displeasure of the Almighty.
In the sermon of the last Hajj, the Prophet (sws) is reported to have said:
استوصوا
بالنساء خيرا فإنهن عندكم عوان ليس تملكون منهن شيئا غير ذلك إلا أن يأتين بفاحشة
مبينة فإن فعلن فاهجروهن في المضاجع واضربوهن ضربا غير مبرح فإن أطعنكم فلا تبغوا
عليهن سبيلا إن لكم من نسائكم حقا ولنسائكم عليكم حقا فأما حقكم على نسائكم فلا
يوطئن فرشكم من تكرهون ولا يأذن في بيوتكم لمن تكرهون ألا وحقهن عليكم أن تحسنوا
إليهن في كسوتهن وطعامهن (ابن ماجه رقم:
١٨٥١)
O people!
Accept the advice regarding good treatment of women and [accept it] because they
are duty bound [to fulfill your marital rights]. You have no other authority on
them except this. And if they commit open sexual misconduct you have the right
to leave them alone in their beds and [if even then, they do not listen] beat
them such that this should not leave any mark on them. Then if they obey you,
take no further action against them. Indeed you have rights over women and they
also have rights over you. You have the right that they do not permit into your
homes nor sleep with anyone you dislike. Listen! their right upon you is that
you feed and clothe them in the best way [you are able to]. (Ibn Mājah, No:
1841)
(Translated from ‘Mīzān’ by Shehzad Saleem)
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