As Muslims, we have a strong belief
that the world has been designed by the Most Wise and sagacious Lord. Everything
that finds place in His marvelous work has a pre-determined role to play.
Everything, from the small ant to the huge hippopotamus, is supposed to carry
out the work ordained by the Almighty. The case of pain, that we sometimes have
to endure at the hands of our friends and fellows, is no different. It in fact
lays the basis over which the humane structure of humanity is erected.
Doubtless, the pain sometimes can be very distressing and can
also rip us apart so much so that we feel awfully weak. The more we think, the
more we get depressed. The memory of our love for our offender, on the one hand,
augments the pangs of pain and, on the other, fills our eyes with warm drops of
water. It is not the end of a relationship that kills us but of trust. Even for
the trust, we ourselves are to be blamed for we put this trust in our offender.
Each effort to stop the pain simply fails because it is the ‘source’ – the
fountain of emotions and feelings – that is wounded when trust vanishes. At
times, this pain may also compel us to resort to despicable ways to heal our
wounded ego; to react and inflict – or at least wish to inflict – the same pain
on our offender.
It is obvious that these feelings are natural. However, what
needs to be appreciated is that their excess is not warranted by Islam. To feel
weak is natural but to lose hope is to show disbelief. The vision with which a
believer is blessed for his strong faith in Allah definitely helps him learn
from whatever unexpected agony he has to suffer. The troubles that befall us
because of our relations are often very ticklish in their nature since any
immature action would put a check to once a pleasant and friendly connection.
Try as we may to hold back, there is a great chance that we will react. But this
reaction should never exceed the moral limits stipulated by the Almighty. We
have been created as moral beings, and morality we must adhere to, in all
circumstances no matter what.
The lesson that we should learn from our pain is that every
one stands in complete equality with others in ‘the sight of pain’. The sorrow
and grief that we experience when we get hurt is exactly the same that any other
person will have to endure under similar circumstances. To suffer pain in this
world is inevitable; but to compose ourselves in such circumstances is equally
imperative. Instead of losing heart, we should seek refuge in Allah immediately
and share with Him what agony has afflicted us; instead of becoming morose and
sullen to pour out our wrath on our subordinates, we should learn from our pain
and improve our own character. We must realize that any impetuous act – whether
it be a result of hopelessness or reaction – on our part is very likely to cause
the same distress to some other people with whom we stand in a relationship of
trust. Neither should we extinguish the flame of our own life out of
hopelessness nor should we unload the consequences of our agonies, out of
reaction, on our spouses or our children or whatever poor creature we are able
to lay hands on.
The Almighty has asserted at scores of places in the Holy
Qur’ān that believers must never let go of their relations. Keeping the bondage
intact is highly desirable in the religion of Islam. The Holy Qur’ān praises
those who give in to win over their relations. On the contrary, it has condemned
severing ties with relatives and other relations. This practice is indeed
tantamount to spreading disorder in land. A believer must remain vigilant not to
commit anything that will ultimately attract the rage of the Most Just and
The soothing reality that should help us stand upright is
that every trouble we have to encounter is in fact destined to earn us reward in
the Hereafter. They are sure to rid us of our sins and raise us to one level up
in the cadres of God-fearing believers. The Holy Prophet (sws) is reported to
No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor hurt, nor distress
befalls a Muslim, even if it was a prick that he receives from a thorn but Allah
expiates some of his sins for that. (Bukhārī: No, 5210)
Therefore, it is only human to feel sad when we are hurt.
But this hurt should not induce us to diminish the love and compassion we used
to cherish for our innocent offender. We must always strive to stand one step
above our fellows to keep the relationship move on smoothly. To sum up, the key
to better relations is indeed to endure not to inflict, to give not to demand,
and to forgive not to avenge.